So I did it. I had my “casino night” moment much akin to Jim and Pam on The Office. I finally put everything on the line the other night. I told the girl I’ve been after the other night that I’m in love with her. I have no doubt that I am, 100%. I’ve been there before and I know what it feels like. I didn’t say it expecting to change anything. I didn’t say it because I wanted to guilt her into a situation she(obviously) doesn’t want to be in. I said it because I needed her to know exactly how strongly I felt about her, where I’m coming from on my end and just how much this thing has taken it’s toll on me. Really it kills me every day that I can’t be with her. She asked what she could do to make it better, and I told her exactly that. That I wanted to be with her. She did tell me that she loves me too and a handful of other great things…but she just can’t date me. That part of it, I will never ever understand. If I’m all of these awesome things and treat someone so well, then why not me? Is it me? Is it someone else? I just don’t understand it. I thought I finally found the “Pam” I’ve been looking for, but then again I guess I’m not Jim Halpert, and this is real life.